Ready for Christmas, kids?
KIDS: Aye, aye, Captain!
I can't hear you.
( louder ): Aye, aye, Captain!
♪ Oh... ♪
CHRISTMAS CHORUS: ♪ Who lives in a pineapple under the sea? ♪
♪ SpongeBob SquarePants ♪
♪ Absorbent and yellow and porous is he ♪
♪ SpongeBob SquarePants ♪
♪ If nautical nonsense be something you wish... ♪
♪ SpongeBob SquarePants ♪
♪ Then drop on the deck and flop like a fish ♪
♪ SpongeBob SquarePants ♪
♪ It's the SpongeBob Christmas Special ♪
♪ Fa-la-la-la-la-la... la-la . ♪
( Christmas bells jingling )
NARRATOR: And now, direct from Encino,
America's favorite pirate
and president of the SpongeBob SquarePants Fan Club,
Patchy the Pirate.
( to tune of "Jingle Bells" ): ♪ Yo-ho-ho, yo-ho-ho ♪
♪ Yo-ho-ho-ho-ho, yo... ♪
Oh! Hi!
I'm Patchy the Pirate,
president of the SpongeBob SquarePants Fan Club!
Oh! (groans)
Hey, that's better.
Squawk!
Merry Christmas! Merry Christmas!
That's right, Potty.
It is Christmas.
And there ain't nothing better in the seven seas
than a Bikini Bottom Christmas.
(sighs) It sure is a magical time of year.
Why, I'll bet old SpongeBob
is gearing up for Santa Claus right now!
I sure am!
( clanking )
( buzzing )
I'm ready!
( laughing )
Not bad for a creature
with no vertebrae.
And I'm sure our pal Patrick
is doing his share
of the decorating.
I, too, am also preparing for Christmas.
Mmm, unbaked cookie dough!
( squawks )
Potty want cookie dough!
Huh? Oh!
Cookie!
Potty, no!
Get out of here!
Potty...
Ah, give us a lick.
Back off, you flying freak.
( squawks ) Clarify, please.
This here cookie dough is for the children,
not for pesky parrots.
( bell dings )
What's that?
Three bells.
We all know what three bells means.
KIDS: Free ice cream!
( laughs )
No, you silly livers.
No!
( squawks ) Man overboard?
You, I'm ignoring.
No...
it's time to open fan letters!
( squawks ) Here you go.
Oh, thank you, Potty.
Okay, Potty, thank you.
Come on, give it, you birdbrain!
( squawking )
Quiet, infernal bird!
( squawks, thuds )
Hmm!
This letter comes to us from...
Name and address withheld.
And he writes:
"Dear SpongeBob,
"I am ten years old,
"and I was wondering if you like Christmas as much as I do.
Sincerely yours..."
Name and address withheld.
A very good question, but you know,
they didn't always celebrate Christmas in Bikini Bottom.
Squawk! They didn't?
No, sir, my fine-feathered little neck pain!
( squawks )
Whoa!
There was a time when no one had even heard
of Christmas in Bikini Bottom.
Hey, who wants to hear the story
of SpongeBob's very first Christmas?
( weakly ): Squawk...
Potty?
( foghorn sounds )
You ate all me cookie dough!
Sqouch...
Oh, well, on with the show.
( "Jingle Bells" playing on ukelele )
( laughs )
Today I'm going sneak up
and get that Sandy with a super-sneaky karate move.
( karate-yelling ): Hoo... ha!
Hoo, hee-hee!
Whoo... hi!
( humming "Jingle Bells" )
What diabolical act is she committing now?
Fire!
Don't worry, Sandy, I'm coming!
( imitating siren )
Stand back, Sandy!
Fire!
Huh?
So, I guess there's no fire?
What in the name of the Alamo
is wrong with you, SpongeBob?
Ain't you never seen
a Christmas tree before?
Christmas who?
What?!
Y'all never heard of Christmas?
Is she a friend from Texas?
( laughing ): No!
I can't believe y'all haven't heard about...
Christmas.
Tell me more about this...
Christmas.
PATCHY: And so Sandy wove a magical tale
of gumdrops and pennywhistles.
She told of toy-making elves and flying reindeer.
But best of all, she told of the one they call...
Santa Claus.
...and everyone pretends to like the fruitcake.
Yawn.
But the best part is, you can write a letter
to this guy, Santa Claus, and tell him what you want,
and when he comes, he brings it to you.
Just like a genie!
( laughs )
I don't know about you lubbers,
but any fella who's giving away free stuff
is a friend o' mine.
That's the spirit, Mr. Krabs.
Here you go: you can get started on your letter.
I can't believe anybody would celebrate a holiday
where a jolly prowler breaks into your house
and leaves gifts.
Like a genie.
Pipe down, Squidward!
I'm trying to concentrate.
This thing's as good as a blank check
direct from the First National Bank
of Santa Claus.
Ah, brother.
Yeah.
Okay, who's next?
( moans softly ) Ooh, ooh, me, me!
Here you go, Patrick.
There's no words on this paper.
Not yet.
Yippee!
A writing stick!
Come on, Squidward, write a letter.
SpongeBob, grow up, will you?
No one's going to give me a gift
just because I write them a stupid letter.
( rip )
SpongeBob, I ripped my paper.
Could I have another one?
Sure, buddy, here you go.
Okeydokey, Squid...
( rip )
...ward.
Uh, SpongeBob?
Thanks.
"Dear... San..."
Oh, not again!
Here, Patrick, watch me.
"Dear Santa...
"What do I want for Christmas, you may ask?
"All I want is for you to visit
the gentle folk here in Bikini Bottom.
"That is my wish."
Patrick, I designed this mechanism
specifically to shoot bottles to the surface.
The hopes of everyone
rest on the success of its maiden voyage.
Fire in the hole!
PATRICK: Santa!
Where's Santa?
He doesn't come till Christmas Eve.
Okay, boy, my demands...
er, uh, I mean letter, is ready to go.
Great, Mr. Krabs.
What did you wish for?
A pony.
Really?
With saddle bags full of money!
Here you go, SpongeBob.
What did you wish for, Patrick?
Another piece of paper.
And what did you wish for, little girl?
Front teeth.
I could use a new hat.
I need a new hairstyle.
Another glass of water for my teeth.
Excuse me, coming through, out of the way.
Great, Squidward, you finished.
What's your wish?
My wish is that the people of Bikini Bottom
will stop paying any attention
to the inane drivel that is constantly streaming
out of this dunderhead's mouth.
Gee, Squidward,
maybe Santa will bring me a dictionary
so I can understand what you just said.
Okay, everybody, we've got a lot to do
now that we've summoned Santa Claus.
We must ready ourselves for his arrival.
ALL: Hooray!
( together ): ♪ It's shaping up to be a wonderful holiday ♪
♪ Not your normal average everyday ♪
♪ Sounds like someone felled my old coral tree ♪
♪ SpongeBob, Patrick, why'd you do this to me? ♪
♪ The world feels like it's in loverly ♪
♪ Go away before I harm you bodily ♪
♪ This Christmas feels like the very first Christmas to me ♪
♪ There'll be shopping, decorating and plenty of snow ♪
♪ Hey, Patrick, who's that under ♪
♪ the mistletoe? ♪
♪ The mistletoe ♪
♪ What? Who, me? ♪
♪ Would you look at the time? l should go! ♪
♪ People seem a little more brotherly ♪
♪ Brotherly ♪
♪ Here's a special something to you from me ♪
♪ To you from me ♪
♪ Even all the trash, on Christmas it smells so sweetly ♪
♪ This Christmas feels like the very first Christmas to me ♪
♪ La-la-la, la-la-la-la-la ♪
♪ La-la-la, la-la-la-la ♪
♪ What do you want? ♪
♪ Can't you see that I'm busy? ♪
♪ Step outside, we've got something for you to see ♪
♪ SpongeBob, take this stuff down immediately ♪
♪ Chestnuts roasting and burns in the third degree ♪
♪ Tonight things are as good as they seem to be ♪
♪ A star on top will complete all the scenery ♪
♪ This Christmas feels like the very first Christmas to me ♪
( Krabs chortles )
♪ This Christmas feels like the very first Christmas to me. ♪
Is Squidward right?
Can there be a Christmas under the sea?
Stay tuned.
( sobbing )
So, SpongeBob was sending
the last of the letters to Santa...
I hope he can read Portuguese.
Ah... well, that's the last letter.
( gasps ) Wait!
Squidward hasn't written his letter yet!
Squidward, hurry!
Squidward!
Squidward, hurry!
( record playing clarinet solo )
SpongeBob, what are you doing?
Don't worry, Squidward, I'll help you get started.
"Dear Santa Claus...."
SpongeBob, forget it.
Right, too formal.
"Hi, Santa."
SpongeBob, no!
"Howdy, Claus"?
I'm not writing a letter
to a figment of your imagination.
But, Squidward, when Santa comes,
you'll be the only one without a gift.
SpongeBob, how many times do I have to say it?
I don't believe in Santa Claus!
Come on, Squid, all you have to do is write a letter.
What have you got to lose?
My self-respect.
My sanity.
My lunch.
Squidward, come on!
Come on, Squidward!
Don't be a party pooper!
Come on out!
Santa Claus is a big phony!
SpongeBob has got you all fooled!
Come on, Squidward!
( crowd clamoring )
Drop the whole anti-Christmas thing!
Hmm, those idiots are going to be up all night
while I get a full night's sleep.
( chuckling )
CROWD: ♪ Oh, Santa's coming tonight, tonight ♪
♪ Santa's coming tonight ♪
♪ Santa's coming tonight, tonight ♪
♪ Santa's coming tonight. ♪
Come on, everybody, let's sing till Santa gets here!
♪ Santa's coming tonight, tonight ♪
♪ Santa's coming tonight ♪
♪ Santa's coming tonight, tonight... ♪
( weakly ): ♪ Santa's coming ♪
♪ tonight, tonight ♪
♪ Santa's coming tonight... ♪
Hey, where's Santa?
Uh, he should be here any minute.
♪ Santa's coming tonight, tonight ♪
♪ Santa's coming... ♪
Oh, forget this!
( all grumbling )
Thanks for the lies, Mr. Fairytale.
Let's go waste our time somewhere else.
Hey, guys, where's your Christmas spirit?
He's just running late.
He probably just stopped for a snack.
Fat guys get hungry, right?
Yeah!
Never trust a genie.
( alarm clock rings )
SQUIDWARD: Morning already?
Oh, boy!
Merry Christmas!
Ho-ho-ho!
( laughing )
Merry Christmas!
Wait!
Oh, I see
a great Christmas photo op.
Can you move in a little?
Say "Santa Claus."
( tearfully ): Santa Claus...
Aw...
Our first Christmas.
♪ This Christmas feels like the very first Christmas ♪
( donkey braying ) ♪ The first Christmas is this Christmas ♪
♪ 'Cause it feels like the first Christmas to me. ♪
( laughing )
You were right, Squidward.
This is a stupid holiday.
( crying )
( sniffles )
I still want you to have this.
What... what's this?
A present.
I made it for you
so you wouldn't feel left out when...
Santa came!
( sobbing )
Oh, gee, you know, I-I-I don't...
You're welcome.
( crying )
SpongeBob?
He made me a present?
It's probably a jellyfish net.
Or an old Krabby Patty.
Or...
( goofy voice ): his favorite underpants.
Present, ha!
What?
Why, it looks like a clarinet.
( sniffing )
It smells like one, too.
Hand-crafted out of driftwood.
And it's even got my name on it.
What's this?
( playing "Dance of the Sugar Plum Fairy" )
Wow!
This is the greatest gift l have ever gotten.
( sniffles )
Oh, I feel like a...
I feel like a... I feel like a...
( donkey braying )
Big jerk!
What have I done to poor SpongeBob?
Uh, hey, SpongeBob, uh...
SpongeBob?
( sadly ): I guess I won't be needing this.
Oh...
That's better.
( thunder rumbles, crackles )
The poor little guy.
All he wanted was to spread a little joy.
I better get this stuff off of Squid's place.
SQUIDWARD: Ho-ho-ho! Ho-ho-ho!
Huh? Hello?
Who's there?
Huh? Hello?
Ho-ho-ho! Ho-ho-ho!
Hello? Yes? Who's there?
Huh? Hello?
Show yourself.
Whoo-hoo! Hello?
Who is it? Huh?
Up here, you dunce!
l mean, uh... Merry Christmas, little boy!
( gasps )
Could... could it be?
Yes, it is I, Santa Claus!
Ho-ho-ho...
hoo, heh, huh, ooh!
Hey, you're...
S-s-san... S-s-san...
S-s-san...
Hey, uh, kid?
Take it easy.
S-s-san... ta!
SpongeBob?
SpongeBob.
SpongeBob!
S-s-s-s-an...
Don't do that again.
I knew you'd make it, Santa!
Hey, Santa, where's your big, round belly?
Well, uh, that, um, is a result of, uh...
undersea pressure on my body.
Where's your reindeer and your flying machine?
Uh, I loaned them to the Easter Bunny.
And what about that nose?
I knew you were supposed to have a big one,
but that thing's gigantic.
( laughs )
All right, I'm Santa!
Santa!
This is the greatest gift you could have given me.
Thank you for bringing Christmas to Bikini Bottom.
l didn't bring Christmas to Bikini Bottom, SpongeBob.
You did.
I did?
Oh...
( meows )
Merry Christmas, SpongeBob!
Merry Christmas!
Phew! I'm glad that's over.
Do you have a present for me, Santa?
Uh, well, uh, see, I-I'm not, l'm not really...
SPONGEBOB: Ah, go ahead, Santa Claus.
See, he is real.
He made my Christmas wish come true.
He won't let you down.
Uh, right, just a second.
Okay, quickly, let's see.
What do little girls like?
Um, a book of matches or a shaving kit?
A copy of my birth certificate?
There's got to be something around here.
Think, think, think!
Ah, perfect!
Here you go, little girl.
Ho-ho-ho!
( giggles )
Thanks, Santa.
That almost felt good.
( clears throat )
Uh... who...?
Hey, Santa, where's my present?
Yeah, and mine?
And what about me?
Uh... let's see what Santa has for all you good people.
Think fast, Santa.
Gifts for the people.
Aha!
A bowl of mashed potatoes for you.
Thank you, Santa, this is just what I wanted.
A new hairstyle.
Thanks, Santa.
Here you go, Patrick.
Whoa...!
A wristwatch!
Thank you, Santa!
What was I thinking?
I gave away all my stuff
just so SpongeBob wouldn't be sad.
Am I insane?
( knock on door )
You might as well take the door.
That's all that's left.
Squidward, you missed him!
He was here, just like I said!
He gave us all presents!
He was jolly, and he had a beard.
His nose was big and he had rosy cheeks.
He was friendly and kind and Santa-ish.
Oh, his belly was small,
but his nose was huge with Christmas joy...
Well, at least it's over.
Huh?
What's this?
SANTA: "Dear Squidward,
"Thanks for all your help!
"You've been a real good boy this year!
Warm regards, Santa Claus."
Ho-ho-ho-ho-ho!
Ho-ho-ho!
Ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho...
Merry Christmas!
Ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho...
Ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho...
Ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho- ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho... Oh!
Ho-ho-ho-ho...
Yup, I'm insane.
( playing jazzy Christmas tune )
Merry Christmas!
Ho-ho-ho...
PATCHY: ♪ Di-di-di-di-di-di... ♪
SPONGEBOB VOICE: Ahoy, Patrick, it's Christmas Island.
PATRICK VOICE: Presents Ahoy!
SPONGEBOB VOICE: Hooray!
( imitates thunder )
Uh-oh, a storm!
PATRICK VOICE: Yay! I mean, yikes!
Oh, we're going down!
Trim the sails!
Hoist the yardarms!
Turn on the Weather Channel!
MAN: Patchy?
Oh, hi, kids.
Boy, that SpongeBob makes me as jolly as a Roger.
Well, I hope you enjoyed SpongeBob's Christmas tale.
And I hope your Christmas is better than sunken treasure.
( squawks )
( grunting )
Aw... Potty left me a little Christmas present.
( laughing )
Ar, ye old mistletoe.
And you know what that means.
Time for somebody to kiss Patchy the Pirate.
Come on, who's it going to be?
Come on, kiss the Captain.
( laughing )
Squawk! Give us a kiss!
No, not you! Not you, Potty!
No, no, get out of here.
Give me a kiss! ( squawks )
No, I don't want to kiss you.
No, we talked about this.
Potty! No...
NARRATOR: Well, it looks like Patchy's
pretty busy at the moment, so I'll say it for him...
good night and happy holidays.
( Potty squawking )
POTTY: Give me a kiss!
( "We Wish You a Merry Christmas" playing )